"You Held Me Under the Stars; I Traced Constellations Between Your Scars."
April 22, 2015
Dear ____ , After one month of our relationship you called me soulmate and I called you every night. I think we always knew that something would happen because of our situation, but we were so enamored and we'd been through so much for so long. I still think about you every day. I've tried to throw myself into distractions and to spend all the time I can with close friends because no one else can fill the gap you left inside me. No one makes me feel like you did and even if they could it would be hard for me to let myself go. It still feels to me like we were made for each other even though I know it's too late, even though we were too young and made so many mistakes. Sometimes late at night I whisper your name like I used to and wonder if it sounds the same and if you miss us like I do. I remember you told me that if something happened and we couldn't talk for a while you would wait one year and it's been a year. Maybe as soon as you got to college you went to a fraternity party and met someone. Don't misunderstand me; I love my life now. And I've moved on. But I want you to know I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye, I'm sorry for hurting you, and I'm sorry I never gave you your birthday present. Most of all, I'm sorry we couldn't grow up together like we planned, Our future was been beautiful, we would've been beautiful and I wish we didn't have to lose that. I don't regret the time I spent with you, the way I loved you, the things we did because it was the best time of my life, I'll never feel quite the same way and I'll never love anyone like I loved you. If I could change one thing, I would give us one more year, one more day, one more minute together. Maybe some day I'll find you and we'll meet and I'll tell you how much I cared about you and that what we had was real, but I think you already know. I've spent so many minutes wondering what we could have done differently, asking God if it wasn't meant to be and asking myself how I could walk away from you. I don't have the answers but I want you to know that I wouldn't change what happened for anything and if you've stayed waiting, you should be free. I want you to read this. empty by carlina green the faded shirt you gave me has lost your scent— too many nights worn in bed alone, missing you. we used to stay up til 4 a.m., saying I love you over & over & over again. whenever I try to conjure up your image, all I get are scattered words describing your appearance: olive skin dark eyes delicate lips long fingers collarbone (mine to own). one time you held me under the stars. I traced constellations between your scars. we would listen to each other breathe, fall asleep to the sound of you and me. one time we watched the sun rise, 293 miles apart. you told me you’d always be here, inside my heart. then came days where we could no longer feel each other’s heartbeat and I’d only imagine you next to me. the distance was breaking me so I made my choice. I had to let go of my protector, my love and his voice. now I am empty; nothing satisfies. books only remind me of our story, no food compares to your sweet taste and music makes me miss your singing. I have spent months trying to fill the void in my soul, but when you’re only 1 half, how can you feel whole?